Starting from scratch, or re-starting something, is a difficult but important skill. Here are three phases of starting anything new (a new skill, a new role, a side hustle), to build momentum.
Why we get in our own way
The biggest gain from this system is the mindset shift, more self-confidence and less fear.
The world rewards certainty. Our brains (and markets!) value predictability. Knowing what might happen next reduces stress by narrowing the possible outcomes. This gives us a sense of control, to the extent that people with clinical anxiety often use worry to avoid disappointment[1]. It also facilitates planning, strategy and smooth transitions, which tend to be valuable.
But what we want isn’t in line with reality, especially in this BANI (brittle, anxious, non-linear, incomprehensible) era. Systems fall apart faster than before. The way populations and political systems function don’t make sense to a lot of us. We don’t just change our career paths, we have to design and carve out our own paths at work, in life and in relationships. Skills will emerge tomorrow that we can’t even fathom today.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.” — JP Morgan
Yet, most of us start and then stop new things, or resist new beginnings until we have no choice. Usually this is because of one or more of the following reasons:
Fear - we think dedicating time and effort to something else will eat into what we have (loss aversion)
Lack of confidence - not believing that we will be able to achieve the same success (often without pausing to re-think what success actually means)
Sunk cost fallacy - believing we have invested so much in our current path that opening another door will waste time and energy
Burnout - relying on motivation to start something new, going at it with a passion, and then having the flame run out
Need for quick gratification - losing steam because we don’t see progress or results quick enough
If you’re self-aware, you probably foresee yourself facing these before even beginning.
Discipline might work for some, but discipline can be difficult and boring. How can we design our own micro-motivation cycles to start and sustain something, in a way that’s less of a responsibility, and more of a joy?
Overcoming the mental blocks: The three phases of (re)starting
Everything here is focused on reducing obstacles and creating positive associations. This will help maintain momentum.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. 千里之行，始於足下— Lao Tzu, 道德经
Two familiar concepts and one attitude shift:
Opportunity cost: anything you do will take time and effort. Pick something you’ll give up in order to create space for this new skill or practice in your life. This reduces potential obstacles.
Behavioural reinforcement: positive reinforcement and rewards work waaaaay better than punishment [2]. Getting a reward for a desired behaviour builds momentum and a positive cycle.
Compassion: Being kind to ourselves is critical to reducing stress, thus conditioning ourselves to our own advantage. Recognizing that the journey will look different at different stages.
Phase 1: Deciding to actually start
This is harder than it seems. It’s not just planning, it’s actually pre-living it, savouring the experience. I want to say commitment, but that sounds boring too. It’s really just kicking yourself and saying “I WANT THIS.”
Planning isn’t sufficient. Visualising ourselves doing whatever new thing it is before we do it tells our brains we have already done it. (The exact route we will run, the exact space we will sit in to learn something, the exact actions we will do tomorrow in line with this new skill/practice/endeavour). This makes it easier when we actually do it.
Prioritise this new thing above something else. Telling ourselves that we will put this above other things indicates its importance. This also reduces competition for our limited time, energy and other resources.
Phase 2: Find the minimum habit, and count any step as a win
At this stage, it’s really important to be kind to yourself. Because the goal is to start. And keep starting each day. Not beating yourself up or feeling guilty for meeting targets makes starting easier.
Most people I know have high standards. This means wanting to be a better version of ourselves (great!), but can also lead to discouragement and sometimes depression (not great).
Find the minimum habit, and the fun. Don’t expect to be as good as someone who’s been at it for years, because it does take time to be good at something. Just starting is a win. It’s ok at this stage if you don’t finish, or hit personal bests each time. There will be up days and down days. Just go. Sometimes this just means putting on your running gear. Sometimes this just means taking one meeting a day. Sometimes this is just one line of code. This is sitting in the suck, but making it less sucky.
Do this as early as possible in the day. This creates a sense of accomplishment, and gives other things less of a chance to get in the way. That sense of accomplishment starts the day off on a positive note. This makes it easier to do the same thing tomorrow.
Celebrate. A critical part of positive reinforcement. Do something that makes you feel good for having taken a step that day or that week. Maybe it’s finally watching that movie, or having that ice cream. Maybe it’s just dancing in the shower while blasting music. Something that makes you feel good. (But make it commensurate, not a thousand-dollar new toy each time you make a tiny step).
It’s going to feel a bit like this, so your goal is just to keep going:
Phase 3: Extend the habit with the beginner’s mindset, and treat targets as play
Once you’ve reached the point where you feel a little “itchy” or “off” when you’re not doing the minimum, it’s time to level up.
Play with targets that are just beyond what you know you can generally do. If you’ve been reading for 30minutes a day, see if you can read for longer. If you’ve been running 2km, see if you can improve your timing a bit or increase your distance. Play is important. It’s not something you have to hit, you’re just testing possibilities.
Remember there will be up days and down days. On down days, fall back to the minimum habit. That itself is a win.
Celebrate. Remember how far you’ve come - from zero or close to it, to steady progress over weeks / months / years! We often overlook what
Develop a curiosity about yourself. Starting something new is often as much self-discovery as it is about the “thing” itself. Putting ourselves in new contexts and building new habits gives ourselves feedback about what matters, what we can do, and how we can grow.
Don’t optimise or set hard goals yet until that habit is formed, or until you’re ready to.
Remember, all this is just getting started. But without starting, there’ll be no progress.
Action / Reflection
What do you want to start today, that could make your life better five years from now?
What’s holding you back from starting this?
What’s the minimum possible habit that you can take action on?
When will you take that action? What can you give up that you’re doing now, to create space for this in your life?