As many of us finalise our resolutions or lists for the coming year, it’s worth pausing to consider what approach will best translate into tangible and practicable outcomes that actually get us to where we want to be before 2025. Resolutions typically don’t survive past a few months; lists don’t produce action unless you remember and practise them. Nonetheless, this rounding of a calendar corner provides space and time for reflection on how we can effectively grow towards our desired selves.
I explain below how to break down your growth in 2024 into specific, actionable habits for sustainable momentum, why this process matters, and how to use these to your advantage in the next 365 days. Doing this takes some time and thought, but is worth it.
An alternative to annual goals: a system of specificity and prioritisation
First, rather than having large lofty aims or lists of actions for the entire year, break this down and work backwards to figure out what you need to do to get there, being as specific as possible. This takes us beyond abstraction or false structure into really considering the work and level of commitment to our goals. Take these down into the level of moments of choice.
For instance, if your goal is to run a marathon in Q4, figure out what kind of training you need, what interim milestones you need to hit, and what you will not have time or energy for if you do this. If your goal is to be a better partner or parent, then figure out what that means and requires, and what specific actions will get you closer. For instance, setting aside a specific time for connection on something your partner or child enjoys, or choosing to leave work at 6pm to have dinner, or choosing to have a difficult conversation now rather than later.
Next, prioritise. Figure out which 3 goals are most important, and rank them. The following considerations help make honest and effective choices:
Knowing what you need to do to reach your goals. This clarifies the growth and action necessary, and makes the abstract tangible. Figure out what might derail or distract you, and consider what you need to do to overcome it.
Reflecting on what you’re actually willing to give up to work towards it. Don’t cop out and think everything is possible. Time and energy are finite. A goal that you're more willing to give up something else up for is more important, or at least more achievable.
Pick goals which are most aligned with who and how you want to be on a daily basis, not just what you want to do or check off, for maximum effect. This may be less satisfying in the short run, but will take you further in the long run, because it gets to who you are.
Finally, rather than make resolutions for the entire year, make daily resolutions in line with the top goals, as a commitment to yourself. Ideally, these are practices which align with the values behind your intentions for the year.
A few things to note here:
Keeping your resolution means you have made and kept that commitment to yourself, even if it involves someone else. You can only do what is within your control. So, you may be ready for a difficult conversation or be home for dinner at 6.30pm, but your partner may not be ready, or your kid may have a school activity. (Don’t worry, if they’re not ready it means you have free time, and you’ll probably have a whole bunch of other things to do to fill it). Maintaining this consistency makes the practice much easier for yourself, for 2024 and beyond.
Making and keeping these resolutions requires prioritisation at two levels: firstly, which goals are most important; secondly, on a daily and moment-to-moment basis, choosing to stick to actions supporting your overall goals, over what is more urgent or attractive in the moment. This means, each morning you wake up reminding yourself of the resolutions for that day - you make the deliberate decision to give up 30 minutes of sleep for extra training, or to give up clearing one last email in order to be home on time.
Where it involves others, communication is key, and negotiation may be necessary. This helps stakeholders in our lives understand why and how we are making certain choices, and can help with accountability and support. If you can’t meet friends as often because of training, or you need to start work early in order to be home on time so you’re not around in the mornings, explaining this will help reduce resistance and make your social environment a little more conducive to keeping these resolutions.
You need to own the consequences. Commitment is not always cost-free - it means consciously choosing something (or someone) over others. Consider what you’re actually willing to give up, and whether you believe that what you’re giving it up for is worth it. If so, then know that this is a deliberate and thought-out choice.
Why are daily resolutions and deliberate choice important?
To break down the psychology behind this a little bit, there are two parts to this: (1) Calibrating our sense of time; and (2) developing a coherent self-identity in line with your goals.
(1)
Achieving large goals takes consistency, and consistency requires effective habit formation, because we often don’t see progress until we hit a tipping point. Yearly resolutions or goals are often too abstract to sustain momentum, especially without the positive reinforcement of feeling one step closer, when all we see is the vast distance yet to be covered. This in turn can lead to procrastination, when the deadline is too far in the distance. It can also lead to overwhelm or resignation, when the deadline suddenly looms (e.g. as we approach the existential reflections of December - remember a few weeks ago?) and the goal suddenly seems too big to tackle in a short time.
While we may think in years, humans function on a daily basis, hence calibrating our sense of time is key. Translating goals into specific daily practices removes the weightiness of large goals, and gives us the chance to be kind to ourselves - each day is a new chance for a reset, while keeping the daily goalposts consistent. If you achieve it, that’s fuel for another day for a winning streak; if you don’t, reset tomorrow and recommit to that day.
(2)
The second part is that identity and action are intertwined. There are various theories about self-identity, but many, including those based on introspection or personality traits, include relational and environmental elements. How others see you affects how you see yourself; feedback from the environment affects how you see yourself. And your own actions affect your environment, and how others see you. So - your own actions influence how you see yourself, as an external data point for your own, and others’, perceptions.
Internally, the process of making and keeping daily resolutions will also reinforce your identity in alignment with your goals. Specifically, being honest about what keeping that resolution will cost you requires deliberate choice and prioritisation. Intentionally choosing to commit to half hour of training over more sleep, or choosing to refocus your energy on understanding and connection rather than being right, means choosing to be the person who will get you closer to the outcomes you want, and not the person you are right now. Over time, you will evolve towards, and see yourself as, that person who naturally makes that commitment.
“One way to build confidence is to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you always let yourself down, you’ll start feeling like there’s nothing stable to depend on internally.” ~Sherry Ning
Three rules for effective daily resolutions
All the above is moot unless the resolutions themselves are well-crafted. Here are three rules to follow - take time to actually craft the resolutions, don’t make a list that sounds good which you won’t be able to commit to.
Keep it simple, and distill it into a specific principle or action Remember that this is not a list, these are specific principles or actions you will have to deliberately choose over and over again throughout the day. More is not better. Whatever gets you closer to the outcome is better. Importantly, these should be practicable. “I will stop being so angry” is vague and hard to put into practice. “I have ownership over my own emotions” is a principle. “I will take three deep breaths everytime I feel like I’m about to lose my temper” is a specific action.
Limit it to three or fewer resolutions using the Pareto principle: determine which would enable the greatest progress toward your goals Huberman recommends 6 habits, which is a bit much; focus is key when we have heaps of to-dos that will pile up by mid-January, so stick to max 3 habits to minimise the cognitive load. It doesn’t matter if these don’t cover all of your top goals; getting one done slowly is better than getting none done quickly.
Ensure you can recommit to them daily
Celebrate when you stuck to your resolutions today, for positive reinforcement. Each time you did it is a step closer to where and who you want to be after 365 days. Each time makes the next time easier.
When you didn’t stick to them, why was this the case? Be kind to yourself. This is about growing, not perfection. Identify triggers, or needs in energy or resources.
Review and repeat the three resolutions for the next day, right before you sleep, and again when you wake up before even starting your day.
When you’ve successfully kept the same daily resolutions for over a month, you can think about whether these have become habit enough to move on to another resolution
You’ll find that:
it gets easier
it gets more satisfying
you can stack habits after successfully keeping these same daily resolutions over a couple of months (usually 2-3 months minimum is required for a habit to stick)
Putting this into practice: A personal example
Several months ago I was overwhelmed and emotionally numb, without realizing it. There had been a series of losses and major life decisions I had no control over, and I was too far from home to process them properly. After several days of feeling irritable at people who were simply trying to help, I caught myself - this wasn’t how I wanted to be, and it was affecting how I showed up at work and at home.
It wasn’t a new year, but I made three resolutions that day, and recommitted to them each day thereafter:
I will take ownership of my emotions and actions. This means that in whatever situation I find myself in, I will acknowledge my emotions, figure out what I can control and what I cannot, and not blame circumstances or other people for my feelings. This helps when I feel out of sorts, or when I’m having difficult discussions with my partner or family.
I will focus on the value of content and coaching that I provide, rather than chasing likes, impressions or putting out a particular image. This keeps me focused on impact and improvement, and cultivates an abundance mindset, rather than a scarcity mindset where I see others as competition.
I will stick to regular jiu-jitsu practice, and complementary training if I am in a city with no proper BJJ gym. This helps me enjoy training for its own sake, and keeps me mentally alert and emotionally even. (Side note, previously a related goal was around getting stripes / belts by a certain date - it motivated me, but was also frustrating when injuries happened, and vastly reduced the fun I had just drilling and rolling.) - full transparency, this was derailed with covid and the holiday season, but I’m excited to restart it in a couple days!
Action / Reflection
What are your growth aspirations for 2024? Are you able to rank them in order of importance? Are there any of these which will make the others easier to achieve?
What are you willing to give up to meet these goals? Do you know what is needed to actually attain them?
Pick the goal or area of growth that is most important to you. What is one daily practice or action you can take, every day for the next 365 days, to get you closer to attaining it?
Etc.
There are heaps of planning resources out there, so I won’t come up with a new one beyond my napkin sketch above (enjoy!). Here are three I’ve found useful:
Farnham Street’s Annual Reflections Framework
Sahil Bloom’s Annual Planning Guide
To a fulfilling, deliberate 2024 (: